Humans want to be appreciated, we want to be praised, we want to be liked, and in that attempt we often do things that we actually don’t want to do but still take them up.
Perhaps you had intended to spend that time with your family or friends, but you agreed to a favor from someone, and now you find yourself in an unhealthy mental state, compelled to work, even though you don’t want to.
Remember that saying yes means saying no. This way, it’s up to you how you want to spend your time. The whole thing is that, to stay productive and reduce stress, we must learn the gentle art, how to say no.
So what’s so hard about saying no?
It’s difficult to say no because we don’t want to upset, hurt, anger, or disappoint the person you’re saying no to.
Second, you might want to work with that person in the future and therefore want to maintain a good relationship, but saying no in the wrong way can destroy that.
We must remember that when you say no, you’re saying yes to something more important. Consider dedicating time to your family, lending a hand to others, or simply seeking mental tranquility to alleviate stress.
So let’s learn the gentle art of saying no with some strategies.
Set goals and understand the value of your time
Knowing your goals makes it easier to say no. You got to know your commitments and how valuable your precious time is. Then when someone asks you to give some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply can’t do that and tell them that your plate is already full.
Set goals prioritize what is important for you and have a plan for yourself, and looking at that, people are going to respect it; they are not going to be in a position to even ask you that unfavorable favor that they want to take from you all because you have plans, you have priorities, and you have set goals for yourself.
Practice the two-letter word, No
The second step to saying no is to practice assertiveness and effective communication without being rude. You should be able to decline the things that you want to say no to in an effective, brief, sharp, yet soft manner. Practice techniques that allow you to articulate your reasons to the other person clearly, without causing them emotional distress, and effectively decline requests.
Explain the reasons very briefly and honestly, but do not overexplain as well. You don’t need to feel guilty when you decline an invitation. If you want to say no because you don’t feel like it, then you can say I just don’t feel like doing it. I’m sorry, I’ll not be able to help you this time. I’ll not be able to do this favor. I’ll not be able to be there. Establish a clear expectation and avoid over-explanation, as this can lead to an appearance of guilt for not fulfilling your responsibilities.
Always remember to prioritize your well-being and your peace first.
Be unapologetic for guarding your time.
The third guideline for saying no is to avoid apologizing. Indeed, when people are forced to say no, they often begin with an apology, but then proceed. But apologizing makes one sound weaker. Be firm and unapologetic. For instance, you could say something like, “I know you wanted me to join you for lunch after our meeting, but this isn’t going to work for me. So, I need to say no.”
You can’t be nice to everyone
Secondly, it’s impossible to be kind to everyone. Though it’s beneficial to be polite, in reality you can’t keep everyone happy. You will only experience stress when you realize that you were unable to fulfill your commitment due to time constraints, despite having agreed to do a favor for someone. If saying no once doesn’t work, then you need to say it again to make your point clear. Remember, saying no doesn’t make you a negative person; you’re just prioritizing your time, your energy, and your well-being. It’s a form of self-care, a form of empowerment.
Of course, you don’t want to turn down anything that could potentially help someone. You could be there for someone when they really need you. However, there are things you really need to stay away from.
Saying the hardest no
The hardest one is to say no to the boss, because they are the boss, right? Saying no to them will make us look incapable of handling the work, but in fact, it’s the opposite. You may explain that by increasing your workload, your productivity might suffer, and that’s quite reasonable.
If your boss insists that you take on another project, you could inform him that you can only complete a portion of the work within the allotted time. If he insists on doing it late, you could say I can’t stay late Thursday because I have my current project to complete. This provides a concise explanation for why you cannot accommodate his request.
Pre-empt the request
One smart trick is to pre-empt the request. This implies averting the initiation of the request. Prevent and preempt are quite similar. Let’s say if you know that in a meeting you might come across requests for your time, then simply say it to everyone. As soon as you enter the meeting room, let them know how booked you are for a week with some urgent projects and won’t be able to take on any requests.
Trust me, it’s a smart trick that works most of the time. Therefore, preempt or prevent the requests. That’s quite an impressive way of avoiding saying yes to something.
Give a thought before saying yes
If you think the request is important or if you can cater to the request at another time, just say, and I’ll get back to you. It’s better to take time to think over it instead of answering then and there.
For example, George, let me check my schedule and get back to you. What if I told you by evening? This way, you are politely postponing it to a later time.
Another example: this sounds like an intriguing opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in the evening.
Alternatively, you could say something like, “I’m sorry, I’m not free to meet in an hour, but I’m free later today.” Can we meet at 8 pm?
So this is the gentle art of saying no. You can offer alternatives, and you can offer other compromises. So when you say no to someone, you don’t have to make it a dead end there, and make sure to have clear communication. What is your reasoning? In short, don’t overexplain. You can offer some alternative that you are going to be there in the future, so this way you don’t end up offending people who are expecting from you.
It’s not you, it’s me:
This rejection technique is applicable in some situations. Most of the time, you might come across a fantastic project or offer, but it’s not feasible for you. At least not at that time. In that scenario, you have the option to reject them by expressing your appreciation.
Example, Sue. I really appreciate your kind offer to help with the grocery, but I’m going to have to say, no. Thanks; I really appreciate your offer.
In the beginning, it will feel awkward, but just keep in mind that only you understand the importance of your time. So you could only say no.
Conclusion
In short, sometimes we miss the chance and we miss the time to say yes to the important things in life and do the things that really matter; therefore, it’s important when to say no. When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else, so we get the unique opportunity to decide how we want to spend our time.
Understand that saying no is a way to show respect for yourself, what you are trying to accomplish, and who you are trying to become in life. To stay productive and minimize stress, you have to learn to say no.
Example, Sue. I really appreciate your kind offer to help with the grocery, but I’m going to have to say, no. Thanks; I really appreciate your offer.
In the beginning, it will feel awkward, but just keep in mind that only you understand the importance of your time. So you could only say no.
FAQS
Try to be vague and effective while also being mindful of your time. Don’t be a people-pleaser, or else this cycle will never stop.
If you don’t lose your cool, then things will not escalate in the opposite direction. And even if he does, you are not there to take care of his emotions; they are not your responsibility.
Be honest; they’ll understand. Just let them know that, despite my desire to assist, I am unable to do so due to my current workload.
Be professional, offer apologies, tell the truth, and communicate as early as possible.
By keeping it short and simple. Start small, and prioritize your own needs and well-being.
I am a dentist, baker, and fitness and health enthusiast with a passion for living life to the fullest. I am foodie and explorer, always seeking new adventures and flavors. Currently working on my own skincare brand.
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